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Saturday, January 5th, 2008
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Hihihihihihi
Do I even know how to do this anymore? Let's give it a shot!
I have been working at Gadens Lawyers for 6 months.. I love it soso much! The people make the days and the lols go fast :)
I have a job interview on Monday.. I don't really want to leave at all but I am struggling to save money and I am worth a lot more than Gadens is giving me.. considering I'm no longer a trainee and have dual roles :)
I'm so excited about 2008 :)
Yesterday I bought an EEE PC.. its supercute and fits in my fucking handbag!! i am in love except I have to get mah boy to do the linux stuff for me :) I might give up and put mac osx on it but i like having a pc, a mac and a linux thingy! it makes me feel nerdy :)
The screen is giving me a slight headache but I think my ibook did to start with also.
I am very very in love with Raphael.. my mind is just a fucking horrible place.. I hate saying some of the things i say to him because they are just so fucking wrong.. but once i say odd things and realise that he supports me ANYWAY, i feel like a kid who gets to eat her favourite lollies everyday :) and not in a gross sex way :)
Next weekend I am hopefully going away with some work girls to Yarrawonga.. how exciting! we are just going to swim and drink for a weekend.. I think thats just what the doctor ordered.. :)
My little sister got her license on Friday.. it kinda freaks me out :)
My aunty is due to have her 2nd baby on the 12th of Feb :) I am so excited.. Mae-Rose is just so beautiful and having two of them around will be cute overload :))
I like babies that don't belong to me :)
Anyway of course there is heaps more.. but this will do for now
I hope you all had a lovely Christmas/New Years :)
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Wednesday, August 1st, 2007
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After a well deserved holiday from LJ I am back in action!
Things to discuss today:
* Upsized Red Bull
* Work
* Holiday
* Birthday
* Happy Anniversary
* Why I've been absent
Upsized Red Bull
This morning I went to the petrol station (I drove to work because I was going to miss my train..) after I pumped, I went to grab some red bull (it took 3 cans to wake me up yesterday) The lady at the counter said 'They aren't 2 for $5' and I said 'yes they are' and she said 'They're a larger size'.. I looked down and in my UTTER LOVE FOR REDBULL I EXPLOEDED.. Upsize red bull :D about time.. Imagine how many you could have and get buzzing ehehehe.. anyway I just got 2 regular cans because I didn't feel like a heart attack just yet ;)
Work
Work is fantastic :) I'm a month through and I couldn't be happier :) Its a really nice environment.. I'm trying to recruit people (because its fun, and because I get $500 if they stay for 3 months) My gay friend is leaving.. he has been relieved of duties.. and you know what, I couldn't be happier :D he gives me the shits.. I went to a work party last Friday night and got smashed and he was running around like a drunk old queen.. I really wanted to smack him in the face.. but I remained calm, got drunk on works $$ and went home.
Holiday
I'm not sure if I mentioned it but I got an arseload of tax back and am going to probably Vanuatu early next year! I am tres excited :>> I never been overseas before! I saw a friends photos from when she went to Thailand.. they are drinking from small buckets with straws.. YES! I WANT TO DRINK FROM A BUCKET! :D and im going to get a little 6 year old to braid my hair funky :)
Birthday
My birthday is coming up.. and this year I thought i'd just let it go.. but organised a small party which is growing into becoming a nice little event with people I haven't seen in a while.. also Raphs going to a work function ON MY BIRTHDAY so Denise and Raj are taking me out to dinna :D Dinner is Saturday night (My birthday is on Friday August 10th) and Sunday I'm having a little family get together which hopefully I wont be still drunk/too hungover for! I'm so excited!
Happy Anniversary
The Rachy and Raph love is 11 months old today :D yay nearly the big scary one ;) xoxoxo
Why I've been absent
Where to start..
Theres been a friends culling.. partially my fault, partially theirs.. I did somethings that upset and hurt people and made them lose respect for me.. I'm definately not proud of any of it.. but I've done all the apologising I can and I just have to take it.. People come and go as we grow.. sometimes they come back and forgive you, sometimes they don't.. thats just the way life is.. I'm taking responsibility for everything I did (except with Taff, that was just bullshit) and I'm ready and waiting if they ever want to talk to me again.. I'm trying to build stronger friendships with people that I knew in my past (IE. I called Tanya the other night :D) and I'm making some new friends at work but for the moment I'm still a bit sad and it'll take a while for me to recover.. I don't expect that I'll be getting as personal with my journal as I have done in the past, as I'm paranoid.. But I'll ensure you get as much as me as I can trust with people I've been close with, and strangers.. I think I trust and love people a little too much at times, and believe it or not, its a huge downfall.. I'll be OKAY :)
Anyway I'm gonna get back to not working :) Welcome back friends!
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Wednesday, July 18th, 2007
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This journal has gone to sleep for a little while..
Maybe for a day, maybe forever, I haven't decided yet..
Don't remove me.. I still want to read your musings :) and will comment when I feel like it :)
Love to all that still love me <3
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Thursday, June 28th, 2007
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Saturday I am getting more ink :D
I'm getting 3 cupcakes on my belly, under my belly button.. hope it goes okay :) it's a super cute pic :)
Cake belongs in the belly *nods*
Looking forward to Monday :D Have to be AT work at 8fucking30.. wahh my ears don't connect to my brain until AT LEAST 10am.. Oh well :D I'm totally excited about the job! big firm, good money, room to move.. exactly what I've wanted to do for a while now.. fantastic :)
Boys confuse me..
I guess thats all for now..
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I went to an interview this morning at 10:30am at Gadens Lawyers. The lady called me 10 minutes ago to tell me I got the job :D :D :D huzzah! I'm a winner!
tonight - i drink :P
Start on July 2 - after the financial year shenanigans (yay)!
Thanks for everyones love and support :)
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Thursday, June 21st, 2007
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+
Went to a great interview today :D the lady said 'well you seem pretty perfect for the job I'll just have to talk it over with the director and manager' :DDD so cool.. and very exciting.. I wont get into details but its a pretty fantastic opportunity :) I'm quietly confident.. but still going for other jobs.. I'll know on Monday
-
Two of my best friends have disowned me. One I understand why 100% the other was just lashing out at me because shes going through some shizz at the moment. I basically smsed her and said that if our friendship didn't mean more than that to her that i'll get over it.. and you know what, I will.. I'll make more friends as time goes by and I will eventually try and make amends with my other friend once I have felt she's had enough time to go through things in her mind.. which might be a couple of months but shes worth the wait. I love(d) both these girls and to lose one is a tradegy.. to lose both i don't think i'd cope.
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I thought I'd hate being back in the 'looking for work' game.. but I'm actually really liking it.. I have some possible jobs at some really cool places including Mallesons, Slater and Gordon and some wacky law firm that wants night time paralegals(?? wtf hahaha) so im really excited and hopefully wont be unemployed for too long.. I spend wayyyy too much time on seek playing clicky clicky :)
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I love:
Paris Hilton.
Nurse on Call.
thats all :)
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| Time: | 1:35 pm. |
| Mood: |  annoyed. | | Music: | karnivool - roquefort. |
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So I went to the doctor yesterday
My kidney isn't eating up what little iron i put into it
so im on iron and vitamin C for 3 weeks and then more pokie owwies with a needle..
FAB.
Trying to find a job..
Seek has become a wasteland of agencies trying to lure people in
Its really giving me the shits
because im registered with ALL of the agencies
Yet none of them want to find me a job
HELLOOO?? isn't that what you're EMPLOYED TO DO. fuckers.
Soooo cold outside..
Tomorrow I have a wedding (another one!)
and Sunday is Mae-Roses birthday (she'll be 3!)
My mum wont stop FUCKING OVERDOSING
My aunty thinks im just as smacked out as my mother (not true)
and my other aunty thinks i don't follow, dance, whatever with Mae-Rose *enough*
(hello no maternial instinct whatsoever.. remember?)
Sometimes I really hate being me.
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| Time: | 6:43 pm. |
| Mood: |  stupid sickness. |
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okay.. now ive had the i-doser reset i can highly recommend it to anyone that likes their chems.. i think Raph got it off a torrent site though..
Piece of advice: don't do e/speed/opium without RESET.. hahaha.. silly rachy
i'm getting another car.. i told my grandfather i felt like a pansy driving a Laser when my 17 year old sister just bought an integra and my brother drives a prelude.. i think i want another celica.. Thomas was my best car ever!
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| Time: | 5:16 pm. |
| Mood: |  weird. |
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Omg! 9 months with my baby today :D
Things Raph does for Rachy that I love:
- scratches me when im itchy
- sings me the jewish alphabet when im sad (it makes me smile)
- buys me food or nice things to eat when he goes shopping
- brings me home flowers
- leaves the heater on all night so im not cold
- he left me a little card on my pillow the other night :>
- so much more!
Hes just beautiful!
I got sent home from work siq - I realised I was wearing two jackets and freezing my tits off and no one else seemed to be this way.. realised i had sore muscles.. a bit of a sniffles.. and my bum bum not behaving so I told my boss i'd go to the doctor and he said im probably getting the flu (great) or i've just been overdoing it.. (ive just started going to the gym) anyway had some cold and flu stuff and i feel better AND less emo.. i hate getting sick emo.. I read something in a womens day that made me cry.. (yep thats how bad i get) but thats all gone now ;)
I-doser or whatever it is is FUCKING SCARY and I had dreams all night that I was a smack addict and now im too afraid of drugs to go to the warehouse party this weekend.. hahahaha im such a weird monkey sometimes :)
I'm so not going to pass probation at work.. work can fuck me sideways.
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| Subject: | Hmm |
| Time: | 1:19 pm. |
| Mood: |  cheerful. | | Music: | hummmm of puters. |
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Work is possibly more bi-polar than I am..
Today I've had a really good day.. so good I didn't wait for the clock to tick so I could go outside.
Its also my bosses birthday so we had cake and I've had a can and some of a bottle of V.. expect a 3pm crash :)
Had awesome dinner with Bed and K last night.. dawww they are so cute and nice! and the food was amazing! had a great time :)
Tonight: Jew dinner
Saturday night: Dinner for Papas birthday
Sunday night: Dinner for Raphs step-fathers birthday
Sooo don't have to think too much about whats for dinner until Monday night which is good.. I hate deciding what I want for dinner.. cause its either gonna be Mac and Cheese (original or deluxe) or Mexican..
Today I'm being good and having yogurt, an apple, juice and a V for lunch.. must lose a bit of weight over the next few weeks :)
<3333
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Life doesn't get much sweeter than chucking a sickie to go for a job interview.
Thats right.. I'm over it and I have a job interview at VCAT today :D wish me luck :)
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| Subject: | werk |
| Time: | 7:22 am. |
| Mood: |  sleepy. | | Music: | Missy Higgins - the river. |
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Work is getting better..
They sent me home on Tuesday because I looked 'sick' but the truth was I was just so miserable there that I physically looked SICK. Went and had lunch with Raphy and cried and cried saying I wanted to leave.. He said he'd support any decision I made but maybe we should talk about it that night and see if I can work out a way to stay because its a great oppourtunity..
It all came down to me not being able to complete jobs that I start.. The dozy tart who trained me, has all this time been making me try and contact DEBTORS to confirm their address.. do you know how HARD it is trying to get someones address when you say you're calling from a law firm? Let alone the fact that usually they have heaps of debts so they move/change their phone numbers/names making it somewhat impossible.
The worst was the fact that I'd do a title search, an electoral role search and a whitepages search.. they'd all match up and this silly bitch still wants me to CALL the DEBTORS and confirm their address.. and thats where my frustration laid.. So I talked to Raph about it and he said to sit down and talk to my boss and give it one more day and try and sort my issues out.. You know what my boss told me? She told me to do all the searches as I had been doing but basically dont BOTHER trying to contact debtors cause they will say anything to get you off their back.. so we use the adddress on the screen for service.
I had been fucking hating my job for NO REASON.. other than I was trained by someone who had no clue or was a bit pedantic and I dunno.. liked talking to debtors..
So once I got over that issue I started to actually *enjoy* what I was doing.. I don't love it.. I wont do what I'm doing forever.. but I've been given resposibility.. I have my own section.. I bascially set up MEDICAL files to go upstairs to the legal team (i work in pre legal - we decide whats worth our time and whats not) so I have a call queue and I send all the medical letters out :)
Anyway, all sorted and no more tears or anything since talking to my boss :) although she accused me of doing the wrong thing yesterday (friday) which was actually RIGHT.. *sigh* I just take it.. Can't do too much else really..
But I honestly would have quit if Raph didn't help me pinpoint my problem.. as usual he turned out to be right.. him and my grandfather are always right.. its annoying.. in a good way :) I respect both of them for having level headed points of view..
Apart from work.. not done much.. no IRC straight.. on smoking patches.. still have one or a few every few days and end up throwing the pack out with like 3 out of it.. anyyyywayyy.. bought lottsa stuff on ebay
AND because I've decided not to quit my job, feel free to email me at work rln@mendelsons.com.au cause I like work mail :) it helps the day go faster :P
I've organised a brunch with my brother, sister and of course Mum for mothers day :) im going to take croissants, flowers and A bottle of wine.. at least that way we can fuck off when we want to if she drinks all the wine I'll try buy something that I'll drink so thats 2 glasses.. I don't like buying mum stuff.. she hates everything so I usually take her out for dinner or something..
Im poor and I got paid on Thursday.. how? I paid the overdraw off my CC (about $350.00 :o)(
OMHGGOMGOMG BUTTERFLY EFFECT TOURING SOON.. going to go both nights :DDD <333
Thats all for now
way too much crap!!
<3 *straps on her fairy wings and flies away*
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I think along with smoking I've also quit IRC**. (** please not these are subject to change should i become inebriated)
I've had half a cigarette since Friday when I got home from work.. I had a little think about it and decided that I really could live without it and that it wasn't that pleasurable. If I wanted more afterwards I would reconsider..
..and as for IRC? ever since Daniel has said he would speak to me** (** providing I'm not drunk, high or talking in a lovey manner) the idea of being on IRC.. turns my stomach.. The first thing I did when I opened my laptop was close xchat.. i havent been on much since i started work (hell, i'm only on LJ cause Raph is at the dentist - my poor love)
Work is - Okay. Its improving.. I have a call queue now which makes things a bit more interesting but I don't love it like I loved VLA.. maybe I didn't love VLA to start with, I can't recall.. but im just not really -gelling- (is that the word?) im not keeping the stuff in my head (i write everything down) its honestly just boring.. but it has potential (ie. they will probably support me and keep me as an employee should I decide to do a law degree)
We had a work breakfast the other morning (free food always tastes better) and we have a dinner coming up.. so theres perks.. I just wish I loved it.. (insert randomness about how daniel could give me tips on how to tolerate something that i don't love - heh)
Had a massive fight with Taff the other night
Cried my eyes out the whole way home
SMSed her the next day to see if we were cool and there was a string of rude and saddening smses to follow.. I know shes going through a lot but we've been really close for ages and I can't imagine my life without her in it.. and the worst part is that I fear im going to lose touch with the other girls as well because she wont want to be in a group with me? - I seriously had to down 3 valium and just try my best not to think about it.. my eyes well up.. i love this girl like a sister and over one stupid thing which I SERIOUSLY doubt she would have otherwise cracked the shits about, ive lost one of my favourite people. Maybe I'll just give it some time.. but my eyes start to burn when I think about it and my heart just sinks.. I had the same feeling I have towards Daniel.. not LOVE LOVE but a love thats gone.. missing.. it felt exactly the same..
I don't LOVE Daniel anymore, but the fact that he isn't in my life upsets me.. it feels exactly the same with Taff and I don't know what I can do apart from give her time and hope she realises that she was taking her anger out on the wrong person.. I don't know (need a valium just typing all that out heh)
Apart from that, not much
8 months with my angel on Tuesday :) - we were both a bit down on Monday but Tuesday we were all good and I think we're both really happy and excited about US. Which brings me a lot of peace because I know not everyone is with someone they really do appreciate and love.
I'm going to wind this up before my battery runs out and Raph gets home..
*slips on her fairy wings and flies away*
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| Time: | 12:53 pm. |
| Mood: |  content. |
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Jobs getting better-ish
Haven't had a cigarette since I got home from work on Friday (except a puff of a J on Saturday night, but that doesn't count)
On patches but still pround :> *glow*
Dinner with the girls tonight, sho exciting :)
Lunchtime but im not going out.. got an apple and soup if im hungry
saving for mega mexican belly ;)
Love my Raphael so damn much.. I can't believe how lucky I am to have him *beams*
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I think I just had my last cigarette.. I'm going back onto patches.
My new job SUCKS.. and my pay bounced so I 'should get my money by tomorrow'
whatever.
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That was a binge if I ever did see one! h0h0h0h0 I love you babes!!
BUT
I love Raphael the mostest.. he bought me pink roses to celebrate new job.. I have the most amazing boyfriend in the whole entire world!
SPA PARTY
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Too much inebriation if I do say so myself.. but hey.. in the past year+ i've cut down from every single fucking weekend to.. I dunno.. once every 6-8 weeks.. I don't see the harm.
Raphael came :D his first spa party! he was a good boy and went at it str8.. See.. Dicky can't come to my dinnar on Wednesday night "REMINDER, BING" so I thought I'd catch up with those babes when big micky gave me a bell and said there was a spa party! Yay! :D Well it was bubba Julian's 1st Birthday.. dawww bubs so cute :)
Anyway we all (except Raph and Lil Lil Dicky) got on it..
Anyway Raph wanted to go home, so we went home had a bit of a cuddle :) and then I drove back to Dickys mums.. where I got on some more and phwoar some how ended up naked in the spa (it was bound to happen.. I went topless last time we gathered :>) So here I am nudie in the spa with these men! hahaha.. but they're cool.. they're all taken and im taken.. its nice to window shop and try the dress on.. but no-ones looking to buy so its all okay :)
and the usual spa party shenanigans go on.. usually we talk about 5 things:
1) drugs
2) sex
3) work
4) sex
5) sex
thats the way it goes! We have a merry time splashing away :)
Ahhh I'm babbling.
CUNT
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The other night I ask Daniel a simple question.. "Can we talk?"
and after a little bit of waiting i said "yes/no/maybe/not yet/get fucked" so I gave him a pick list.
Do you think that piece of shit would answer me?
No dice.
I'm a Rachel.
I'm a Leo.
I'm a very open person when it comes to my emotions (and tits apparently!)
BUT one thing I cannot fucking stand is being TOTALLY FUCKING IGNORED.
I've calmed down about it now.. but I was full on sobbing over this.. it was a really non confrontational way to go about things and I thought I'd at least get an answer from my pick list.. there was plenty of choice and room to move around the question.. SO WHY NOT JUST FUCKING ANSWER IT. FUCK.
I know its 'for the best' and in time he may speak to me again.. but sometimes I really need to talk to someone who understands me.. and he totally got me. Doesn't he miss talking to me? Isn't there some little part of him that wants to know about my new job or how the house is coming along. I also know for a fact that he doesn't have me on ignore.. although he could have lied to that person, whatever.
I'm going to make a pact with myself right here and right now to not shed another tear over that worthless piece of uncircumsised piece of emotional baggage waste.
It hurts me, it hurts Raph, it hurts my friends to see that im still affected by this person who clearly couldn't give A FUCK about me.
I was sobbing so hard it hurt the other night.. Raphael held my hand.. He had nothing to say to calm me. But he held my hand tight while I writhed in emotional agony.
Anyway. This is the end of you. I'm going to try my very best to pretend you are dead.. because what you're doing to me now.. betrays a lot more than the reason we broke up.
and as for you "friends" who couldn't see me through to this point.. fuck you too..
thats all I have to say on the matter
TODAY
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I really gotta catch a nigh nighs wave eventually.. but I'll probably ride it out until tonight.. less stuffing up the body clock the better..
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEE start new job on Wednesday.. mmm income..
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Finally got a job :)
[insert long story]
Went to 3 great interviews last week. One wanted me to have 2 days practice in the office so I could show them what I could do *booty shake* and I finished my trial today and got the job :D. Left "work" and checked my voicemail and I had a call back from one of the other jobs (one I liked better) and THEY offered me a job. [/long story]
So I have a new job at Mendelsons/Pru$ka :P (Mendelsons are the lawyers, Pru$hka are the debt collectors) and I'll be working in their Pre-legal team.. I am very excited and thrilled that I've got some days to chill out before I start (start Wed).
Anyone who didn't get an invite to my congratulatory dinner please let me know and i'll give details!
*spins* tres happy right now :) I knew I'd get there eventually.. thanks for everyone who has done for supporting me!! :)
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rachbaby's journal
awake.
excited.
ecstatic.
blah.
bouncy.
okay.
working.
high as a kite.